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OCTOBER 2005, TRUE LIVELIHOOD
NEWSLETTER
(See Past
Issues - ARCHIVES) (To
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This newsletter is intended to support the work of
people who are engaged in developing the careers,
vocations, livelihoods, jobs and/or work of other
individuals. It is our belief that everyone's work life
can and should be molded and crafted to be the
expression of our finest gifts and a source of great
joy. Towards this end, we hope that the content of these
newsletters will support you with both practical tools
and inspirational ideas.
Welcome to our OCTOBER 2005 edition! Please pass it
on to interested friends and colleagues.
This is an "In Reflection" issue... following up on
the theme/issues presented in the previous month's
newsletter.
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Dear Friends and Colleagues,
Welcome to the second “leap month” of this newsletter! As
I announced in the August issue, I will begin to write new
articles every other month, using the off month to respond
to questions and comments from past articles and suggest
ideas in preparation for those upcoming.
For those who did not get a chance to read last month’s
issue entitled, “Daring To Be Ourselves: The Authenticity
Factor”, follow the link below.
~ Denise
Read last month's newsletter...
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Dear Denise,
While I think that everyone should be able to express
their own authenticity, I am sick of the “characters” in my
office who continually shove their authenticity in everyone
else’s faces by always trying to steal the stage as if the
world is their private non-stop audience. Shouldn’t there be
some kind of middle ground?
- Human Resource Manager, Albany, New York
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I liked this question because it allows me to speak to the
myth that “being authentic” gives people permission to push
their views or to flaunt their style in any and all
circumstances, regardless of how it affects other people. I
think this is to mistake the spirit that underlies
authenticity. For while authenticity refuses to live in
hiding, it has no need to take the stage, run the show, or
lead the parade. In fact, I would surmise that the need to
constantly have an audience, or to continually convince the
world of one’s brilliance, talent or rightness is a sign of
the lack of genuine authenticity. Stridence and brashness
shouldn’t be mistaken for authenticity. Authenticity isn’t
something gauged by the attention it brings to itself. Some
of the most authentic people in our history have been quiet
poets and sages and contemplative spiritual masters.
“Stealing the stage” is an interesting term to use – as the
stage is usually reserved for actors – those who are, by nat
ure, putting on another’s face.
Being real and genuine does not mean flaunting our truth
or style in the face of anyone who is different from us, it
just means that we do not feel the need to be social
chameleons, changing our colors to suit the situation. I
doubt very much that any of the behaviors that we would
categorize as “shoving in everyone’s faces” would
characterize actions taken in the true spirit of
authenticity. The desire to be true to and express oneself
shouldn’t override the need to be considerate, appropriate
and sensitive to other people and to situations. If
Authenticity could choose a dance partner, I think Sincerity
would be a much more likely choice than Celebrity or
Notoriety!
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Dear Denise,
Thanks for the reminder in your article on The
Authenticity Factor that my “realness” is one of the first
assessments my clients make about me as a counselor… it
changed my focus from trying to make a good impression as a
counselor to just being there as a person in a sincere and
authentic way, putting impressions aside and just attempting
to relate as one human being to another. I feel so different
with this change in my stance and I see the difference it
has made to my clients. Now, if only I could find the
courage to do the same with my colleagues… it is not easy to
show my true face in a work culture that is both competitive
and impersonal. Thank you for the encouragement!
- Rehabilitation Counselor, Austin, Texas
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It isn’t easy to put aside professional posturing,
especially in environments where it is deeply ingrained in
the work culture. I can’t help but wonder how many people in
such work environments are just waiting for other people to
remove their masks so that they can remove their own. When
we collude with the social norm and keep our true selves at
bay at work, we perpetuate and strengthen that unhealthy
part of the work culture. By daring to step out, speak up,
or share our humanity in even the smallest ways, we heed the
advice of Gandhi to be the change we wish to see in the
world. I once read that “an organization cannot blush” –
only the people who make it up can give life and form to the
spirit and personality of a company, an agency, a school, or
a church. One person at a time, each of us can find more
life-giving, life-affirming ways of engaging with one
another even in the most toxic and suffocating work
environments. When we feel that is no longer true, this ma y
be a very good sign that we need to be moving on.
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Dear Denise,
One of the hardest things for me as a trainer is enduring
the scrutiny of each new group as they assess my
‘authenticity”. How do you survive the inspection of your
audiences in those moments before they know you?
- Job Search Trainer, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
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I totally relate to what you are saying. The first several
minutes after I am introduced to a group, I can feel the
individuals in the room attempting to take me in and check
me out - assessing the extent to which I am real or simply
acting a part. What allows me to survive the inspection is
to remind myself before I begin of my own intentions, my
motivation for being there, and the spirit behind my
message. I have to ground myself in my own sense of realness
– the truth of my motives, my intentions, my gifts, and the
spirit in which I wish to share them. Once we stand on the
firm ground of our own truth, how other people judge or
assess it is of little import. Our business is to show up
and give what we have to give in the best spirit possible -
how people in the room receive or judge that gift is not
really our business. Naturally, we need to attend to how we
are communicating to or connecting with an audience, but in
terms of how they are personally perceiving or judging our
realness is not our business – it’s theirs. Our job is to
simply remember who we are in those moments when others are
trying to figure out who that is.
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Dear Denise,
What questions can people ask in a job interview to
assess the “authenticity factor” in a workplace?
- Mental Health Specialist, Minneapolis, Minnesota
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I love this question!!! Here are a few ideas:
- "How do you think your present employees would describe
the culture of this workplace?"
- "What aspects of this work environment give you pride
as an employer?"
- "What qualities do you think characterize the kind of
person who works best in this environment?"
- "To what extent are employees in this work environment
encouraged to bring their own sense of style or their own
personal approach to the job?"
- "I am hoping to join a workplace in which people feel
free to express their views and bring their unique
contributions to the team. Based on this criterion, how well
do you think I might fit in to this environment?"
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Dear Denise,
I love your poem, “The Masquerade”, from September’s
issue of the newsletter. What I am wondering is what the
distinction is between the various roles we play in life and
the masks we wear which you elude to in your poem. Thanks
for the on-going inspiration!
- Case Manager, Dept. of Social Services, Los Angeles,
California
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We play different roles as a function of the varying
contexts and relationships in which we find ourselves, for
example, spouse, parent, sibling, neighbor, employee,
citizen, etc. Each role invites and/or requires different
qualities and gifts, none of which need hinder our
authenticity. We can be authentically warm and protective in
the caretaking of a loved one in the morning, while being
equally authentic in the bold and brazen delivery of a
formal complaint to the school board that afternoon. The
difference between playing a role and wearing a mask has to
do with the attitude or the spirit we bring to the roles we
play. In the role of supervisor we can choose to lead in a
genuine and authentic manner or we can wear the mask of
“Protector”, “Authoritarian” or “People-Pleaser” in which
the impression we are trying to maintain carries more import
than our actual effectiveness as supervisors. For a cursory
assessment of masks you may or may not be wearing, take a
look at Putting It Into Practice below. Thank you for the
inspiration to create the Survey of Masks !
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I chose this beautiful poem as it reflects the poet’s
contentment as she removes the masks of “being passable” and
“looking happy” and embraces the process of aging with joy
and grace. May we, too, grow in our “indifference to
mirrors”!
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1. Welcome to the Survey of Masks! Listed below are a
number of masks people wear in the different roles we play
in life. If taken seriously, I doubt there are many of us
who wouldn’t have to admit to recognizing at least ten of
these masks as those we have worn at different times and
contexts of our lives. Challenge yourself by identifying the
masks you wear in the various roles you play, including as a
family member, a friend, a co-worker, a service provider, a
supervisor, and a member of the various groups/clubs in
which you participate. In each instance, consider what you
have to gain/lose by keeping the mask on and what you would
have to gain/lose by removing the mask.
The Victim…..The Rebel…..The Expert…..The Saint…..The
Busy Bee…..The Brainiac…..The Lone Ranger…..The Devil’s
Advocate…..The Energizer Bunny…..The
Life-of-the-Party…..Control Freak…..Pollyanna……The
Perfectionist…..The Flirt…..Macho Man…..The Jokester…..The
People-Pleaser…..The Bullshit Detector…..Party
Animal…..Mother Hen….. Workaholic…..Hell-Raiser…..The
Dreamer…..The Problem-solver…..Tough Guy…..Nice Guy…..The
Stoic…..The Innocent…..The Martyr…..The Cynic…..The
Idealist…..The Realist…..The Eternal Optimist…..
Superhero…..Prince Charming…..Damsel in Distress…..Wounded
Warrior…..Helplessly Hoping…..Misfit…..Mr./Ms.
Self-Sufficient…..Bleeding Heart…..Supreme Organizer…..
2. For the truly brave-hearted, ask a few people from
various contexts of your life who both know you well and
respect you to identify the roles they see you playing. You
may be surprised (if not pleased) by what you hear.
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Denise has published several important works on topics of
job development, career development, personal development
and similar topics. She also has two video-based in-service
training programs available. Please visit our online store,
Diversity Shop, for more information on these and related
products.
Link to more information on Denise's publications...
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Denise's book "The Wholehearted Journey" has proven to be
a popular gift item. We have discounted prices by 15% for
the Holiday Season. Here is your chance to give your
friends, family or associates a very special Holiday gift.
(Sale pricing in effect until December 9 only.)
Order copies of The Wholehearted Journey...
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NOVEMBER: Oklahoma City, OK * Los Angeles, CA *
Waterford, MI * Fargo, ND * Fredericton, NB
DECEMBER: Bismarck, ND
JANUARY: Seattle, WA * Saskatoon, SK
See Denise's Scheduled Events...
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Previous editions of the "True Livelihood Newsletter" are
archived on our website.
Click here to see archived editions...
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Diversity World also publishes the D-NET (Disability
Network) Newsletter - featuring content on disability and
employment issues.
Click her to see archived editions of D-NET...
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