Dear Friends and Colleagues,

I write new articles every other month, using the “leap month” to respond to questions and comments from past articles and suggest ideas in preparation for those upcoming. This is a leap month! For those who did not get a chance to read last month’s issue entitled, “Rethinking Happiness: How We Choose to Be Content”, you will find the link below.

Having received some great comments and inquiries from readers of the last newsletter, I have chosen three of those questions to respond to which I thought would have the widest appeal. Enjoy!

~ Denise

Denise, I have seen you in person and know that you are a “naturally” happy person. I wish I were, but I am not. It is hard for me not to judge your writing as somewhat Pollyannaish knowing that what you write comes easier for you than it does for most of us. The one thing you did not speak to in your article is the extent to which a person may be born with a proclivity leaning more towards angst than happiness. Sorry to rain on your joyful parade, but I am sure that I am not your only reader with this question! Thanks for your on-going inspiration!
 

What Baker emphasizes in his work is that fact that while happiness is genetically influenced, it is not genetically fixed. The question I spoke to in last month’s issue was about that other 50 percent of our happiness – the part which is not genetically predetermined. There is common agreement in the field of psychology that the brain’s structure can be modified through practice and there is a plethora of books on the market dealing with the science of happiness, most of which point to “best practices” leading to happiness. You can probably guess what makes every list: getting sufficient sleep and exercise, nurturing close relationships, keeping a gratitude journal, meditating, using your best skills in work and play, paying attention to attitudes, maintaining an optimistic outlook, spending time in nature, participating in activities which stretch the mind and body in new ways, etc. I will use a future issue of this newsletter to explore the ways in which we can mindfully cultivate everyday practices and habits which lend themselves to happiness and joy, even when in a dark night of the soul or in the stressful throes of a job search.
 

Denise, thanks for your issue on Rethinking Happiness. Sometimes I get frustrated because I want so much for people than what they seem to want for themselves. Your article made me question my motives in encouraging people to “want more” and made me reconsider the extent to which I would be happier if I was “content with less”. It is an interesting dance between pushing ourselves to the next level and being satisfied with where we are. Keep up the good work!
 

Once there was an ambitious entrepreneur perplexed to find a fisherman lying lazily beside his boat smoking a pipe and the following conversation ensued:

“Why aren’t you out fishing?” said the businessman.

“Because I have caught enough fish for the day,” said the fisherman.

“But why don’t you want to catch some more?”

“What would I do with them?”

“You could earn more money” the entrepreneur replied. “With that you could have a motor fixed to your boat to go into deeper waters and catch more fish. Then you would earn enough money to buy nylon nets. These would bring you more fish and more money. Soon you would have enough money to own two boats…maybe even a fleet of boats! Then you would be a rich man like me.”

“What would I do then?” asked the fisherman.

“Well, you could really enjoy life.”

The fisherman leaned up on his elbow as he took the pipe from his mouth, and asked, “And what do you think I am doing now?”

This story does not begrudge the spirit of the entrepreneur - all the power to him. But this story does support the idea that the fisherman has his own definition of satisfaction and success. The only real joy we will ever know must spring forth from our own hearts and souls, not anyone else’s. The fisherman’s contentment may have as much to do with the limits of his desires as the attainment of those he has. Buddhism teaches that there are two ways to not suffer from want of what we do not have. The first is to acquire more wealth so that we can obtain what we desire; the second is to limit our desires. It is important for us to remember now and then that while the first way is not always within our grasp, the second way is always within our power.
 

Denise, I loved your article on Rethinking Happiness and found it food for thought personally and professionally. I think the point of knowing “what is enough” is especially important in helping people set and reach for their vocational goals. Could you speak more to that point?”
 

None of us are strangers to the “Land of Miswanting”! It is true that without conscious awareness of the source of our contentment, we may look for it in the wrong places, pursuing something that either scratches the wrong itch or was ours all along. The same is true for the pursuit of any dream. The more well-defined our goals, the greater the likelihood they will actually be achieved. The more ambiguous, imprecise and nebulous our aims, the greater the likelihood they will elude us. Knowing our bottom line, (whether it be in the grounds for a relationship, desires for a home, or the requirements of a school for a child) helps us not only to navigate the often rocky terrain as we journey in pursuit of our goals, but steers us away from the Land of Miswanting, and lets us know when we have arrived in the Territory of Enough.

Nowhere is this truer than in the job search! While it may seem at first blush that the more “open” a person is to vocational opportunities, the sooner they will become employed, my experience with people was just the opposite. I believe that the more specific and focused people are with regard to their vocational dreams, the greater the chances they will make them come true. People who know their “bottom line” with regard to work have a navigational tool that will make their search more focused, more self-directed, and more purposeful.

A great place to begin is with employment conditions. Most job seekers speak in terms of what they would “like” in terms of pay, hours, benefits, etc, while most employment counselors speak in terms of what people “need”. The truth, of course, is that neither of these questions is as relevant as “what will the person accept”. Sometimes a person is willing to work for what they “need”, while others will not work for less than what they “want”. In my job search curriculum entitled “Cultivating True Livelihood” I have a tool called “Work Needs and Desires”. This exercise takes people through a series of questions with regard to their bottom line in relation to pay, hours, benefits, location, etc. For each category, they must answer, “What do I need, what do I want, and what am I willing to accept?” This is not a particularly enjoyable exercise for the job seeker but the information it elicits is priceless for the job developer!

While identifying our bottom line is crucial in making any kind of choice, it can be a painful process. I do believe, however, that training ourselves to live deliberately, beginning with knowing “what is enough”, is key to knowing true contentment. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I really don’t care to spend any more of my precious time in this world in the Land of Miswanting than I have to. Yeah, it’s a place of deep learning, but there are other ways to get the lesson.

You will find Czeslaw Milosz represented in nearly every compilation of contemporary poetry – and for good reason … he is a master of painting profound pictures with few words. I chose this piece as a gift to my subscribers and I wrap it in the wish that you experience many such days in the coming months of summer.
 

1. In thinking about your own genetically determined set-point for happiness, where would you put yourself on the scale from “giddy to grumpy” with “just glad to be alive” in the middle? How have you seen members of your own family settle for or go beyond their own genetic inheritance for happiness?

2. Identify a list of “Best Personal Practices’ with regard to your own happiness by using the following list of questions:

- What have been some of the happiest times in your life? What made them so?

- What do you like most about yourself? What brings out that quality in you? How do you make that quality last?

- What gives you peace of mind?

- What brings out the best in you?

- Who appreciates you the most? Why?

- What are your primary strengths?

- What makes you feel creative, spontaneous, and most alive?

- What are some of your daily habits that lend you a sense of satisfaction and well-being?

3. When was the last time you forayed into the Land of Miswanting? What did you learn at that time in your life that informs your present experience?

4. In the teaching story of the entrepreneur and the fisherman, with which character do you identify more? Why do you think that is so? How would living more like the other affect the quality of your life? In what area of your life do you think you would benefit by replacing “wanting more” with “being satisfied with less”.

5. Consider some of the areas of your life in which you would you like to make some change, see some improvement or increase your level of satisfaction. See if you can determine the difference between what you “need”, what you “want” and what you would “be willing to accept” in each of these areas. How does it feel to come up with your own bottom line? How would knowing “what is enough” affect your satisfaction in each of these areas?

6. Give intentional happiness a try. Declare a happiness day. Do what makes you feel good, useful and fulfilled. Postpone unpleasant tasks, difficult people and negative thoughts for another day.

What are some of the simpler pleasures of life which bring you great joy, even in the midst of difficult times?

Denise has published several important works on topics of job development, career development, personal development and similar topics. She also has two video-based in-service training programs available. Please visit our online store, Diversity Shop, for more information on these and related products.

Four of Denise Bissonnette’s most popular items are included in this package – The Wholehearted Journey (Book and CD), 30 Ways to Shine as a New Employee, and Beyond Traditional Development. Buy them as a set and save!

* State College, PA * Rochester, NY * Thunder Bay, ON * Fountain Hills, AZ * Augusta, ME * Mandan, ND * Spearfish, SD * Casper WY * Montreal, QC * Albany, NY * Edmonton, AB * Three Rivers, CA

Previous editions of the "True Livelihood Newsletter" are archived on our website.

Click her to see archived editions of D-NET...
 

Was this Newsletter forwarded to you? For your own FREE SUBSCRIPTION, click the "To subscribe" link below. (NOTE: This Newsletter is available in both plain text and HTML formats. HTML format has colorful pictures and graphics. To change your format, click on the "To unsubscribe/change profile" link below.)