 How
to Keep On Keepin’ On – Part One
Dear Colleagues and Friends,
At the close of
a daylong training session entitled “Beyond Barriers to
Passion and Possibility”, I was approached by a young,
bright-eyed job developer who earnestly posed the
question, “How do we keep ourselves going and feeling
positive about opportunities for ourselves and for
others, when we are constantly being met with challenges
and disappointment?” While this is not an uncommon
question, my response to it up until this point has
always been something to the effect of, “That’s a great
question, and it deserves more than a pat answer… I’ll
have to write about that some time.” So here I am.
When our best
efforts are not bringing us the results we want, in the
time that we want them, how do we keep on keepin’ on?
This is a universal question lying at the heart of any
worthwhile goal, whether imposed by the demands of the
job, dictated by the needs of the family, or inspired by
our own heart’s desire. When the going gets tough, how
do we fight off feelings of lethargy and sluggishness
and bring, instead, fresh energy and renewed
commitment? How, with so much and so many vying for our
attention, do we stay focused on what is important? In
the midst of those who would urge us to give up,
surrender the cause, or to cease tilting at windmills,
how do we remain steadfast in our own sense of purpose?
And when our own cynicism and fear comes knocking, how
do we refuse it entry, enlisting the company of optimism
and hope instead?
In preparing for
this article I realized that I have been making
suggestions about “how to keep on keepin’ on” throughout
the last four years of this newsletter, albeit
indirectly. What I offer below is a harvesting of ideas
from various issues throughout the years which have
spoken to this important theme, with the sowing of new
ideas among them to address the question head on. I
also came to appreciate how the advice I would give to
counselors and job developers does not differ from
anyone on a mission: from those in a job search, a
political campaign or a fund-raising project, to
students working on a degree, or entrepreneurs trying
their hand with a start-up business. In essence, the
advice of how to “keep on keepin’ on” is relevant to all
of us as we continue venturing towards the goals that
are animating our particular life journeys at any point
in time. Giving consideration to a reasonable length
for a newsletter, my response to this question clearly
warrants more than one issue. So, here are my first
nine suggestions on How to Keep On Keepin’ On!
1. Allow the
dream to continually feed and inform the journey.
There is a lovely
teaching story of an old pilgrim making his way through
the Himalayan Mountains in the bitter cold of winter
when it began to rain. An innkeeper asked him, ”How do
you ever expect to get there in this kind of weather?”
The old man answered cheerfully, “My heart got there
first, so it’s easy for the rest of me to follow.”
We are not so
different from the traveling pilgrim, for we have all
thrown our heart into the frontier of life, making our
way like steadfast pioneers toward the flag planted in
the homestead of a dream. How would the aspiring author
begin the first page of her story without the dream of a
book? How would the medical student survive years of
arduous study, training, and residency if not for the
dream of becoming a doctor? What makes young athletes,
dancers, or musicians commit to years of disciplined
practice but the dream of mastering their craft? Would
we bother exchanging wedding vows without the dream of a
fulfilling marriage, or invest in a child’s college
education without the dream of a promising future?
The same must
hold true for any endeavor we undertake, and any
livelihood to which we have committed. The larger
purpose and the deeper vision underlying our aspirations
should inform the daily journey so that when we meet
with challenges and roadblocks, we have something
meaningful to lean on. At the end of the day when the
job developer feels disheartened at the employers who
did not return her calls or the job seeker who didn’t
bother showing up for the interview, she can remind
herself, “Putting people back to work is a tough
business - if it wasn’t, they wouldn’t need me. But
it’s a worthy cause for the people who do find their way
into the workforce, and for the businesses that benefit
from our services.” At the end of a grueling day of
begging signatures outside the grocery store in
inclement weather, the young petitioner will remind
himself, “This planet is worth saving – even if at the
pace of one name at a time. Today I got another
seventy-five!”
2. When in
search of honey, expect to be stung by bees.
When we approach
an undertaking with high hopes and an inspired vision,
we have to expect regular turns of disappointment; it
simply goes with the territory. Knowing that there will
be ups and downs along the way, we should take them in
our stride, without personalizing them or making more of
them than what is warranted. Not every interview turns
into a job offer, not every audition results in a part,
not every exam is aced, not every training session earns
high evaluations, not every day of mothering ends in a
Hallmark moment. So what’s new?
Francis Bacon
suggested, “All rising to a great place is by a winding
stair.” We have to accept that as we work towards any
goal, there will be days that we have to just somehow
get through, and others that we wish would never end.
Most days are somewhere in between, but all of them,
good and bad, are part of that winding stair. It is to
the rising that we must concentrate our energies and
attention. The question we should be asking ourselves
is whether or not the frustration and disenchantment we
are bound to encounter is worth the dream we are
aspiring to. Would we dim the vision of what we aspire
to in order to avoid disappointment – I hope not!
However, we can learn to cope better with disappointment
by keeping our focus in areas of our influence and
control.
3. Put the
wisdom of the serenity prayer into practice.
There are a lot
of things that affect our lives about which we are
pretty much powerless and ineffectual. We don’t get to
steer the course of the economy, run the weather
currents, or pull the strings of the next person in
political office. Funding may or not come through, the
people we invited to the event may or not show up, and
our proposals may fall on deaf ears. We don’t get to
choreograph how other people will respond to the
challenges we set before them, nor how the crowd will
receive the speech. We don’t choose our competition for
the job, nor the criteria by which the powers that be
will make their final decision. Bummer.
It takes
emotional maturity and vigilant self-discipline to put
the wisdom of the famous serenity prayer into practice –
“Lord, give me the strength to accept the things I
cannot change, to change the things I can, and the
wisdom to know the difference.” When we dive into the
rough waters of concerns where we have no control, it
makes for tired arms and no real progress. We feel as
if we are dogs paddling through our days. By making
choices and keeping our focus in the smaller pool of our
actual influence, we swim with more sure and solid
strokes, concerning ourselves only with the part of the
situation that we can actually affect.
Perhaps what
makes this single piece of advice so difficult to
practice is that we love holding to the illusion that we
are “always in control”, however falsely contrived the
illusion may be. It’s the same impulse that makes us
put our foot on the invisible break as passengers in a
car, or let’s us somehow believe that all of our yelling
and cheering from the living room couch is going to make
a difference to the quarterback on the playing field.
As amusing and quirky as our delusions of control are,
when it comes to persevering in a serious and
challenging endeavor, the sooner we get real with what
we can and cannot change the better, so we can invest
our time and energy only in those areas where they can
truly make a difference.
4.
Lessen stress by managing expectations.
Having so little
control over what happens in the world, or how other
people will respond to our efforts, we often end up
exhausted, stressed or disappointed by how others have
failed to rise with us up the winding stair! In fact,
at times, they seem to be pulling us down! But the
degree of our stress and the extent of our
disappointment are in direct proportion to what we
expected to happen in the first place! By learning to
manage our own expectations in relation to how, when,
what, and where our goal will be achieved, we head off
frustration at the pass.
I recently put
this advice to use in a couple of areas of my life. In
response to my anxiety (shall I admit, terror) about
addressing five hundred high school students in a large
auditorium, I downsized my expectations from reaching
them all with my message to affecting even a few of the
students in a way that would positively influence their
lives. In my desire to get back into shape, I adjusted
my expectation from fitting into a smaller size by my
birthday, to simply working out three times a week
between now and then, and eating sensibly without a
stringent diet, knowing it is impossible to stick to
while traveling. Whether or not I end up in a smaller
size, I will have the satisfaction of having followed my
own realistic regimen.
5. Make a
plan for progress that is gentle enough to be doable,
yet ambitious enough to be inspiring!
When overwhelmed
by the enormity of an endeavor, we need to break it down
into manageable, bite-size tasks. Most of us accomplish
too little because we are expecting to accomplish too
much. Daunted by the size of the task, we freeze up,
feeling defeated before we even begin. And so, if you
are like me, you resist beginning. We need to make a
plan for progress that is gentle enough to be readily
doable, in which we can be lured into action, yet
ambitious enough that we know we are making ground. If
it is overly-ambitious, we may resist the regimen
altogether, doubting our ability to keep it up.
However, if it is too gentle, we may lose the benefit of
momentum that would otherwise keep us going.
For the job
developer or the job seeker, that could mean setting a
goal of making contact with five employers a day,
whether by phone, in-person, or in writing. For the
guitar student, it could mean practicing half an hour a
day, for the dancer, a certain set of warm-up
exercises. On those days when we feel discouraged or
dispirited, the regimen could feel like an eternity, but
most days it would be over in the blink of an eye. Even
on those just-get-through-it days, the attitude of “just
get through the routine” is the medicine we can respond
to. The writer can eke out those few pages. The singer
can manage a set of scales. Like athletes, by keeping
ourselves in training with daily exercise, we will build
strength and stamina.
6. When
in doubt, just do the next right thing.
It is much easier
to “keep on keepin’ on” when the road is clear and the
way is obvious. What is much more difficult is to
muster momentum when we’re uncertain as to what we
should be doing next, or even in which direction we
should be going. At these times, when we feel as if we
have come to an impasse, we need to simply think through
the “the next right thing”. Not the next plan, the next
agenda, or the next map, simply the next step. When we
muster enough gumption to do the next right thing, a
path often unfolds for us. So it’s not always a
well-paved road on the highway to our heaven, but at
least a footpath through the forest of our doubts and
concerns.
When we’ve missed
a deadline, failed to accomplish something we were
expected to do, or have just reached what appears to be
a dead-end, we need to utilize the power of a good
question to reignite our energy and spirit. Okay, who
do I need to be in touch with in order to right this
situation? What small gesture or task would bring me
the slightest bit of relief or inspiration at this
moment? What is the step I could take right now that
could make the difference between optimism and despair?
Whatever we have discerned that “next right step” to be,
whether it is to make a call, re-write a cover letter,
or run three laps around the building to let off steam,
we need to give our best to it without worrying about
all the things we’re not doing! Doing one thing at a
time, and doing it entirely, can then lead us to the
next moment of discernment when we can make new
choices. Everything we do helps to illumine the next
step before us, so no action needs to be thought of as
an empty one.
7.
Rather than waiting for the right mood to inspire
action, allow action to inspire the mood!
There are always
plenty of perfectly good reasons to not do the “next
right thing” - to delay, defer, dawdle and drag our
sorry feet rather than proceed with diligence and
determination. There are will always be other things
vying for our attention. Then, too, there is the
attractive and seductive notion that if we don’t work
now, later it will be easier, we will somehow be “in the
mood”. In my experience, that magical “later” never
comes. Work is called “work” for a reason. As my
former training partner Richard Pimentel is fond of
saying, “Work is tough, that’s why they have to pay us
to do it!”
When the mood is
not moving us, we need to move ourselves into the mood!
As a writer I know not to wait for a flash of
inspiration to break me out of writer’s block. If I can
just get myself to write a few paragraphs, no matter how
painstakingly, I often find that dabbling in the
smallest creek of words can lead me to a message or an
idea that soon takes on a river of pages. Amazingly,
(miraculously), when I feel spent from too many days on
the road and wonder where my energy will come from for
the next training session, if I can just bring myself to
uttering those first words of welcome to the group,
without fail, the love I have for my work rises in me
and carries me like a wave through the day. I think
this is true for all of us - the first lick of work is
what can lead us to a greater appetite for work!
8. Take one
day at a time, and at the end of the day, be done with
it!
Regardless of the
span of time in which the mission we are on will take
place, days are actually where we live. It is within
the rhythm of “one day to the next” that we can
wholesomely shape and inform our larger journey. As I
express in this month’s Poem of the Month, “The Beauty
of Today”, a day is precious because it is essentially
the microcosm of a whole life – each one offering
possibilities and promises that were never seen
before.
The classic
advice that has been espoused for decades with regard to
any major life transition, whether it is grief, recovery
from an addiction, or dealing with a divorce is – “Take
one day at a time”. Just for today, we are able to do
the best we can with our child. Just for today, we can
stay sober. Just for today, we can keep from falling
off the cliff of despair. Why wouldn’t the same wisdom
apply to the pursuit of any challenging mission? Just
for today, you can get ten brochures in the mail – pick
up three applications – make two follow-up calls – write
a new cover letter – teach a class. Just for today we
can carry on. And what if, at the end of each day, we
rested in the knowledge that we did what we could with
the time we had? Surely the day will have allowed for a
few blunders or a few choice absurdities to creep in.
So what? Today is ending and tomorrow is a new day.
9. Value
effort more than results and celebrate the small stuff!
As I write, I am
facing a week of work on the road about which I have
great trepidation. There is a part of me that wants to
bail, throw a tantrum, or just call in sick. But I’m
not in fourth grade with the sudden onset of a tummy
ache on the morning of the history test. I am an adult
with responsibilities who needs to show up and do her
best in the face of my own doubts and insecurities. I
have to muster faith in my own abilities and trust that
whatever happens this week, if I approach it with deep
intention and the spirit of sincerity, I can at least
feel proud at the end of it for the effort I made, if
not for the result. How do we put more stock in the
dignity of our effort than the results they may or may
not produce?
For sure, it is
hard to go about our work solely for the sake of the
effort, maintaining a healthy level of detachment from
the results. Yet the truth is that more often than not,
we deserve credit (shall I say – praise and glory) for
the courage, the utter cheekiness, the pure audacity of
mustering what we need to rise to the challenge, again
and again, in a world that would just as soon eat us
alive. You may think that is overstating it, but that
is how it feels when we are out there, vulnerable to the
whims and whimsy of the jungle of the world. We have to
keep the faith that the results we desire will come in
due time, but only if we keep on keeping on! We need to
take pride in our ability to persevere and reward
ourselves for our day to day effort, regardless of how
the world has responded to it.
Next month I will
pick up where we are leaving off, with ideas for staying
grounded, cultivating optimism, and taking care
ourselves as we continue working towards our goals while
meeting challenges along the way. In the meantime, my
friends, keep on keepin’ on!
~ Denise
© Denise
Bissonnette, April 2007 (If not used for commercial
purposes, this article may be reproduced, all or in
part, providing it is credited to "Denise Bissonnette,
Diversity World - www.diversityworld.com." If included
in a newsletter or other publication, we would
appreciate receiving a copy.)
Read Denise's
previous (March 2007) newsletter...
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